Getting Angry with Words

Today I am so frustrated. The scaling went awry and I feel miserably measured against the magnanimity of the world. Non benevolent magnanimous and insatiable world. Where is meaning in action when action is pre scripted nuances. So small is the me and quickly am I lost without a struggle. Sometimes it feels like kings are everywhere and I could only possible survive in servitude.  I hate royalty; non regal undeserving, self imposed royalty. At work, in church, society and even family assume control the moment one shows a little laxness in ones demeanour. God knows how close I am to bleak destruction of personal sanity. Of course it can all be brushed under the carpet - forgotten and force locked through frivolous distractions. But what then becomes of a me I conceive myself to be - doesn't living in someone's else's dream mean that I am non existent. I am not true if I am lying to my consciousness.